Listening to: Counting Crows - August and Everything After
Oh ya, so this is a huge record, three entries in one day - well technically one day/evening. I forgot to mention in the earlier entries how totally stoaked I was that traci and I went to see David Sedaris at the IU Auditorium the other week. Can I just say that if I wind up with even a small amount of his enormous wit/abilities by the time I'm 50, i'll be pretty happy (also wouldn't mind being considered a "successful" writer- because let's face it that's a pretty huge feat in itself.) I really enjoyed it, so I"m also really glad that Traci and I actually became friends, because well, it was a leap of faith that I asked if she'd like to go and hear him way back when we purchased the tickets in september and we barely knew each other. :) Good thing we click so well. I must take a moment to thank these great friends here at IU that are my new found support system. I love you all dearly and just wanted to say so again, especially for all your help in the past couple of months. It has in fact been a very rough end to the semester here at IU, and I look forward to the end of the academia for a few.
I hope that aunt mary is recovering from the surgery and can continue her life as normally as possible. I know it may seem very "high and mighty" or whatever to say that I am really truly blessed in many ways, and that I'm glad I stop to take the moments to remember that. For a switch to introspection: On a personal level I am too hard on myself when it comes to the potential for failure. I'm not sure where i picked up this trait along the way in my life, it's totally self-inflicted, and also detremental. It's not as if I haven't flunked things in my life time, and survived. It's not as if I haven't had disappointments academically, I'm not a straight A student. I never got a 4 pt in undergrad. I was an honors student, sure, but I didn't belong to many extracuriculars, so I wasn't an "overachiever" or anything, and I enjoyed learning. But I can't lie to myself that I garner a certain satisfaction from getting A's. It's weird to, because I know that B's are good, and that if I get B's I most likely deserve them, and I"m not one to argue for more points or anything, and especially in grad school. But for some realize I have a parallizing fear of failure that is self-imposed. It's not an outside pressure on me to be outstanding, it's only my own want and desire for that. Really, it's stupid and I need to learn to cope with this better. It is something I will be working on over the summer I hope. Obviously it will be on my mind some, as this summer I won't have a class that is based on "grades" but rather on learning on the job. So hopefully that will help me out there.
I am going to miss you IU and the stempel crew. at least some of them will be returning next year, and I will still keep in touch with the others -
there is already talk of a cocktail party at my new apartment for those returning to IU, slis folks and others :) so keep that in mind all you returning folks.
okay, enough for tonight. my brain is fried from all this analyzation. Reading back over some of the first entries I wrote, I was alot more clear, had better word choices, tighter essays with some good punchlines, closing sentences...and now...well now...I firmily believe my writing style has reverted back to the 3rd grade.