listening to: Counting Crows August and Everything After

Kind of fitting to be listening to an album titled August and Everything After, while I contemplate just what might be out there for me after this August. What lies in store for me at what I've started to call my adoptive home that is three states away?
This is such a rough sort of transitional time for me I think, mostly because I feel so disjointed about where I am in my life, and where I want to be, or if I even really think I know where I want to be. Case and point - I have my life scattered in three places. A storage unit in Indiana, a storage unit in Iowa, and then at my parent's home here. It's just strange to use the term scattered, but I think in a way, my head feels that it's also somewhat scattered now.

My birthday was a huge success by all accounts of the attendees who cared to share their thoughts on the event. I am blessed with some absolutely wonderful and thoughtful friends and family, not only those that attended the little fete I threw here at my folks, but the many friends and family that sent well wishes via phone calls and emails. Perhaps that's what leads me to feel so connected and distant at the same time. I can not tell you the immense pleasure I get from having people remember me, and remembering to call or contact me, even if it's only one day a year for my birthday. I pride myself in being able to keep in touch with the friends of the past, so that I can continue to keep them as friends in the present and future. So finding e-cards from friends in Nebraska that I haven't seen in probably three years, or talked to at least since christmas is really nice and surprising. realizing that I've gained a whole new group of people who care about me and what goes on in my life and how I'm feeling and what I'll be doing to celebrate also makes me feel so loved and such love for the Bloomington crew.

At the same time, it's going to be really really really hard to go back there. It's nothing against my friends at school, because they are fantastic, and I am really looking forward to my one bedroom place, and many movie nights and japanese food. But, at the same time, I think I harken back to an earlier post from the summer. Upon initially coming home, i was apprehensive about how much I've changed, how much my friends from IC have changed, and also, to some extent how well I'd fit back into this life I used to have. Well, it's interesting, because I see now how my life could continue to be here in Iowa City. Also an earlier post was relating to my sense of comfortable friendships here, and there is something really great about people who simply have alot of ammunition with which to make fun of you, and you know they aren't judging you, but just enjoy your company. It's really quite bittersweet. I am going to miss my friends so terribly when i move back, as well as my parents. I'm not taking for granted the last few days I have to spend here with them. And hopefully many of them will take me up on my invitation to come and visit me in B-town and explore the campus/brown county/indy with me.
I know a part of me is reluctant to go back simply because it will be a switch from calling about 20 ppl to see what they are doing each night, to calling one for a study session. My grad school life and my "summer" me life are on such opposite ends of the spectrum. Here, I am going out each night or staying up late, playing video games, or watching movies with friends, then working in the mornings (or whatever random hours at barnes and noble) and then doing it all again the next day. it's become such a comfortable existence so quickly. It's hard to believe that almost three whole months have gone by already. At IU my life also consists of working, but my nights are also filled with working and studying and everything school-related. And only a few choice ppl to call, so I guess I know what is in store for me for this August and Everything After.

I just hope there are good things on the horizon back in B-town to help me get back into the swing of things quickly, because I don't want to be homesick for Iowa all over again. It's soo easy to fall back into a comfortable pattern with the people that know you best, it's like you pick up where you left off and nothing has changed. I realized the other night that I actually came back to Iowa 5 times while i was technically living in Indiana. I don't know if that's alot or a little for a recently turned 24 year old who was spending her first real year away from her hometown. Looking back on the year as a whole there were many moments that I'd wished I'd stayed in Iowa. It's sort of sad to admit, but at the same time I think somewhat healthy. these were of course times when i was dealing with rougher issues and drama at schoool, that of course, make you want to "run home to mommy" - but ya know, in the grand scheme of things, I survived. That is most important I think. Survival. So perhaps all that August and Everything After will hold for me this time around in a hope for survival and for better things ahead. Or if nothing else at least a few phonecalls from friends are around the bend.