Mundane Moments Matter

Listening to: Kings of Convenience, Quiet is the New Loud

It was a rough week for other reasons as well. I know that people appreciate the fact that I tend to follow a few of the LEO traits, in that I"m fun to be around most times and enjoy the simple things in life, like laughing with friends. However, there was more to worry and empathize about this week than to laugh about. I try to be there for my friends and family, the people that mean the most to me, Itry not to burden them too much with my own issues, but also to let them in, I try not to make many mistakes and I try to take a good moral road of right and wrong most times...I hope that people can see me for who I am, someone that is trying to get along in the world just like them, who does make mistakes, and isn't any better than anyone else, who doesn't always have the energy to laugh instead of cry (though her general mechanism of coping is usually to crack jokes and smiles instead of tears), but can always be there for a hug or a kind word and to let people know she's thinking about them. I often wonder if other people spend as much time thinking about their friends/family going through rough spots as much as I do..it's not that I think it's unhealthy to feel bad for other people and what they go through - but is there a point when you do too much sympathy for them and not enough concentrating on your own issues? I find it's better for me to cope with my own improvement or crappy life things, by reminding myself that at least I'm not going through such and such, or dealing with something like that. Is that wrong of me? Is that like a cop-out of some kind, where it means I spend less time on myself and more time on a fruitless endeavor, when I know I can't help them more than I already have? One of the worst feelings in the world for me is feeling like I can't help someone in need...strangers or familiar faces...I don't like feeling helpless. Helpless in the sense ofhelping others, and helpless in the sense of not letting other people help me. It's a strange dicotomy. I'll pray for you guys though, who are going through so much right now that seems so much more insurmountable than my own problems.
I sometimes wonder if little details remind people of me, the way silly or often strange things remind me of them. People from my past that I'll randomly muss "Gee, I wonder how So and So is doing now..." and "wow, that would totally be something that Blank would love" Or remembering events that might have seemed totally mundane and uninteresting to those folks which actually had a profound effect on me or stick out in my mind with this insane intense impact. I'm reminded right now, in fact, of learning what someone's first impressions of me where, that I was unaware of until MUCH MUCH later...and, with a fond sense of how interesting those impressions can be, he said he thought of me as "the girl who complained alot about another class, and liked to talk alot(to my friend in the class), but seemed smart, cause you raised your hand and had intelligent answers" Or, the other impression I often get when people meet me for the first time "sweet and likable, can't understand why she doesn't have a boyfriend..."
I realize tomorrow is a day in which everyone normally says "I Love You" and does the whole mushy romantic thing for their significant other (which I personally think you should do randomly when the mood strikes you and not because one day out of the year dictates it)- and the single people of the world usuallly grumble about how much the day is for candy companies and greeting card factories and are jealous of what the relationship folks have. I should know, I've been in the later category on most Valentine's Days before...though, a few years ago a wise and deer friend - whom I actually haven't talked to in almost 3 months now said "You may not like Valentine's Day and protest it and everything, but I enjoy any day where I have an excuse to tell people that they mean something to me, regardless of their status as a friend, family member, or significant other" (I think that was the gist of his message, though not copied here word for word) Well he's right ya know. And this journal entry has made me think of him and the many many great memories of our friendship. I wonder if he thinks of me every now and again too...
Ya know what? It's nice to know you've had a positive effect on someone else's life, in either a small way or a larger one. My eyes welled up the other night, after I'd sent an email to Christa, in which I told her that I was sorry our talk ended abruptly and I'd wanted to give her a hug and tell her she'd be in my thoughts - for what she's dealing with family-wise right now - she wrote back to say it was one of the nicest emails and she was touched I'd sent it. That was important.
So, I'd like to tell Cassi thank you for her email response recently - it was much needed and appreciated and had profound words of encouragement to inspire me to continue on my path. And to the rest of the friends, thank you for being there for me as my support system, in the good moments, bad moments, and mundane moments, because you truly do impact my life in ways I can't imagine living without. Thanks for accepting this crazy blonde with all her faults and quarky behavior in to your hearts. Now, for my two cents, I don't think a greeting card or box of candy would have said it any better - but Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!